一篇英语文章如果通篇都是简单句或者单一的句式,就会显得单调乏味、乏善可陈,也会暴露出作者的写作技巧之贫乏。灵活多变的句式能使文章增色不少,例如通过分词、从句、介词或形容词词组等将若干简单句整合成长句,不仅能使句与句之间的联系更加紧密,而且还能增强整篇文章的逻辑性,读起来也不会枯燥无味。同时,灵活的句式变化还能显示出作者对于语言文字的良好的掌控能力。当然,使用各种复杂多变的句式有一个重要的前提,那就是不能出现低级的语法错误,否则就会适得其反。

例句点评

Choppy:TheArtofStrategywaswrittenbySunTzu.Itisafifty-six-hundred-wordChineseclassicalwork.Thewriterputforthasetofprinciplesinaverytightlycompressedmanner.Theydealwithhowtodefeatoppositionsandwinbattles.

Better:Inhisfifty-six-hundredwordclassic,TheArtofStrategy,SunTzuputforthatightlycompressedsetofprinciplesforachievingtriumphoveropposition.

【评析】修改前这段话的问题在于:(1)主谓结构过多;(2)written和writer、TheArtofStrategy和it、asetofprinciples和they指代的内容相同,显得重复;(3)单一的句式结构不仅显得句与句之间的逻辑关系松散,而且显得文字效果单调。修改后的句子将原文包含的五个信息点(书名、作者、书籍特点/属性、主要内容、写作目的)囊括于一个长句之中,将“孙子提出一系列原则”(SunTzuputforthasetofprinciples)确定为最核心的主谓结构,其余次要信息分别通过两个介词词组(in和for)以及同位语的形式一一列出,条理清晰,符合英语的语言表达习惯。

Choppy:Ofcourse,theweaponsatSunTzu’stimewerequiteprimitive.Thearmieswereverylarge.TheywerenearlyaslargeasthoseinWorldWarTwo.ThedevastationandhumansufferingswerejustasprofoundasinWorldWarTwo.

Better:ComparedwithWorldWarTwo,theweaponsatSunTzu’stimewerequiteprimitive,butthearmieswerenearlyaslargeandthedevastationandhumansufferingjustasprofound.

【评析】分析修改前的几个句子可以发现,它们全都是在比较SunTzu’stime和WorldWarTwo这两个时期的武器(weapons)、军队(armies)以及破坏程度和人民疾苦(devastationandhumansufferings),可考虑使用表比较的comparedwith结构。意思相近的还有incontrastto、unlike、similarto等。

Choppy:Proverbsareshortsayings.Theyaredrawnfromlongexperience.

Better:Proverbsareshortsayingsdrawnfromlongexperience.

【评析】修改前的两个句子的主语proverbs和they指代的内容相同,因此可用which引导的定语从句连接这两个句子,改为“Proverbsareshortsayingswhicharedrawnfromlongexperience.”为使句子简洁,可删去whichare。

Choppy:Peoplechangeandplaceschangeaswell.Jenniferfeltthisstrongly.Shehadbeenawayforelevenyears.

Better:Onreturningafteraneleven-yearabsence,Jenniferhadastrongfeelingofhowpeopleandplaceschange.

【评析】修改前的几个句子之间逻辑关系比较松散。分析这几个句子之后我们发现,它们之间的关系应为:“Jennifer离开了11年之后再回来,强烈感觉到人和事都变了”。修改后的句子把时间成分提前,后面是主次分明的主谓宾结构,句间的逻辑关系一目了然。

Choppy:Beijingstreetsarecrowdedwithtaxis,companycarsandprivatevehiclesownedbythenewlyaffluent.Thenumberhasbeenrisingrapidlyinthelastfewyears.Thelateststatisticsshowtherearenow2.1millionvehiclesinBeijingalone.

Better:Taxis,companycarsandprivatevehiclesownedbythenewlyaffluenthavecrammedBeijingstreetsinrisingnumbersinthelastfewyears—2.1millionvehiclesatlastcount.

【评析】修改前的句子中有三个主谓结构,句式结构显得比较单一,读起来令人十分乏味,且句与句之间的逻辑关系比较松散。修改后的句子是主谓加同位语结构,比较精炼、耐读,且逻辑关系十分清晰。

Choppy:MobyDickisabook.Itisalongbook.Itisaboutawhale.AmannamedAhabtriestokillit.HermanMelvillewroteit.

Better:HermanMelvillewrotealongbookcalledMobyDick.Itisthestoryofastruggleofamanagainstawhale.

【评析】修改前的几个句子都是围绕一本书的,书的名字、长短、主要内容、作者等等,但这几个句子句式结构太过单一,读起来完全感觉不到句子与句子之间的逻辑联系,且显得十分啰嗦。其实我们完全可以用一个句子来理顺修改前的几个句子之间的逻辑关系:“XX写了一本XX书,书名叫XX,讲的是关于XX的故事”。由此,我们可以尝试用过去分词形式(如called)、形容词形式(如long)以及介词结构(如of、against等)来连接原文中的几个句子,使句间的逻辑关系更为紧密。具体改法参见修改后的句子。

Choppy:Thousandsofbuildingsmetthesamefate.Thisaloneisnowbeingpreserved.Itmarksthecenterofthenuclearexplosion.Itisbeingpreservedasasymbol.ItsymbolizesourwishthattherebenomoreHiroshimas.

Better:Ofthethousandsofbuildingsthatmetthesamefate,thisalone,markingthecenterofthenuclearexplosion,isnowbeingpreservedtosymbolizeourwishthattherebenomoreHiroshimas.

【评析】分析修改前的几个句子,大意为“数千幢大楼都遭遇了同样的命运,唯独这一幢标志着核爆炸中心的建筑现在还被作为一个标志保留着,标明我们不希望再有更多的福岛事件”。修改后的句子用了“介词结构+主语+分词结构修饰主语+谓语”来连接几个看起来毫无关系的句子,使句间的逻辑关系更加清晰,又是一个突破简单划一的主谓结构的典范。

Choppy:Ihavealwayshadadream.Mydreamhasbeentobeafamouswriter.Everyonewouldreadmybooks.Iwouldbecomeverywealthy.

Better:Ihavealwaysdreamedofbeingawealthy,famouswriter,readbyeveryone.

【评析】修改前的句子连用四个短句,且几乎都是主谓宾结构,句式重复单调。修改后的句子将“我有一个梦想”和“我的梦想是”合二为一,即Ihavealwaysdreamedof来定位句子主干,再引出梦想的具体内容“beingawealthy,famouswriter”,最后通过过去分词结构将修饰语“读者众多”和writer相关联。很明显,修改后的句子主次分明、句式丰富且逻辑清晰。

Choppy:Thisisawreck.ItwasformerlythestatelyImperialGarden.Itispreserveddeliberatelyasareminderandsymbol.

Better:Thiswreck,formerlythestatelyImperialGarden,ispreserveddeliberatelyasareminderandsymbol.

【评析】修改前的几个句子主语this、it和it,其实指代的都是同一个事物wreck,所以完全可以用同位语以及从句来连接,使其更加紧密。修改后的句子用了“主语+同位语/插入语+谓语”结构。

变化句式的常用技巧

英语的一个显著特征是可以轻易地将简单句转化为复合句和(或)复杂句。复合句可以看做两个简单句的集合,类似丈夫和妻子,构成夫妻这个整体但又各自独立;复杂句则是主句和从句的结合,类似父母和孩子。请看下面的例子。

简单句:Mydogbitaboy.

复合句:Mydogbitaboyandtheboywashurt.(and连接的是两个独立的句子)

复杂句:Althoughmydogisfriendlymostofthetime,itbitaboyyesterday.(although连接的是主从句)

将若干个关系松散的简单句整合成逻辑严密的复杂长句的最佳方法是,先确定最核心成分,即主谓结构,写出主句,再将其余成分通过各种手段一一安排到合理的位置,常见的有从句、分词、介词词组、同位语、不定式等。例如:

Before:LuHaograduatedlastsummer.HejoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchunsoonaftergraduation.Hereceivedanengineeringdegreefromhiscollege.

After:①Aftergraduatinglastsummerwithanengineeringdegree,LuHaosoonjoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchun.(介词结构+主语+谓语)

②Anengineeringdegree-holder,LuHaojoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchunlastsummersoonaftergraduation.(同位语+主语+谓语+状语)

③Havinggraduatedwithanengineeringdegree,LuHaojoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchunlastsummer.(分词结构+主语+谓语)

【评析】修改前的三个句子主语所指代的内容相同,但彼此之间关系太过松散,因此可以考虑采用介词词组、同位语结构或从句等不同的方式将这三个简单句连接起来,详见修改后的三个句子。

中译英实例

1.我们在接待室等待着,好像度日如年,永无尽头。大约中午时分,医生终于从手术室走了出来,向我们报告手术结果。

不合格译文:Wewaitedatthereceptionroom,whichlikedonedayseemedlikeayear,andhavewaitedwithoutend.Itwasaboutnoonwhenthedoctorcameoutoftheoperationroomfinallytoldustheresultoftheoperation.

【评析】第一个like有时态的变化,很明显在此处是用作了动词,表示“喜欢”,而不是“好像”,使用错误;将“度日如年”机械地直译为onedayseemedlikeayear并不符合英文的常见表达,而且andhavewaitedwithoutend在时态和表达上都有误,建议改为“Wewaitedatthereceptionroom,whichwaspainstakinglylong.”另外,finallytoldus前要加and。

合格译文:Wewaitedendlesslyinthereceptionroom,asthoughthedaysdraggedonlikeyears.Aroundmidday,thedoctorfinallywalkedoutoftheoperatingroomandtoldustheresult.

【评析】句中的endlessly这个词本身已经含有“度日如年”的意思,可以删去意思相近的表达asthoughthedaysdraggedonlikeyears。

最佳译文:Afterwhatseemedlikeanendlesswaitinthereceptionroom,thedoctorfinallycameoutoftheoperatingroomaroundnoontimetoannouncetheresultofthesurgery.

【评析】将汉语原文的前半句以“after+what从句”的形式呈现出来,既简洁又富有创造性,且句子内部逻辑性更加清晰。

2.任何人都能观看铁人三项、马拉松、公路自行车赛和帆船赛——全部免费。

不合格译文:Everyonecanwatchtriathlon,marathon,roadcycleandsailing.Theyareallfreeofcharge.

【评析】Everyone应改为everyone;triathlon和marathon前面需要加the,且Marathon首字母应大写(若marathon变成复数,就无需大写,也无需加定冠词);roadcycle应改为roadcycling。

合格译文:Anyonecanwatchthetriathlon,theMarathon,roadcyclingandsailing.Theyarefreeofcharge.

【评析】句子本身没有错,但两个短句显得比较单调,且句子间的逻辑关系松散。

最佳译文:Anyonecanwatchthetriathlon,marathons,roadcycling,andsailing—allfreeofcharge.

【评析】“全部免费”是对前半句各项赛事的补充说明,所以可以通过破折号引出,使句子连贯性更强,而且更简洁。

练习

1.Memoryisoneofthoseabilitiesthatwetakeforgrantedexceptwhenitfailsus.So,memoryislikedigestioninthisway.(提示:去掉so,将两个简单句合并)

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2.In1998,Francewasthetoptouristdestination.Thecountryattractedabout70millionvisitors.Spainwasinsecondplace,with48milliontourists.Thisrepresenteda10%increaseforSpainfrom1997.(提示:分析几个句子的主语之间的关系,将主语相同的句子进行合并)

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3.AnIdealHusbandisafilmadaptationofOscarWilde’splay.Ittellsthestoryofapopularpoliticianwhowasinvolvedinascandalthatledtohisdownfall.(提示:两个句子主语相同,可合二为一)

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4.Shesatobediently.Herfurcoatwasstillwrappedaroundheragainstthecold.(提示:可用从句连接两个句子)

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5.Visitstothestateparksetarecordin1998.Comparedwiththeyearbefore,itwasanincreaseof11percent.(提示:两个句子主语相同,可合二为一)

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6.InwasquiteobviousatthattimethatIQequalsintelligence.Sincethen,however,manypeoplehaveseriouslycriticizedtheidea.(提示:分析句子结构,后句theidea指代的是前边句子that之后的内容,可合二为一)

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7.SnowWhitedidherchoreswithasmile.Oftenshewouldsingwhilesheworked.(提示:两个句子主语相同,可合并为一个句子)

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8.Sittinginhisapartment,drinkingacupofstrongtea,Mr.Faxonreviewedhislegalcaseagainsthisboss.Hehadbeendoingthiseverynightforsevennights.(提示:用状语从句连接)

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参考答案

1.Likedigestion,memoryisoneofthoseabilitiesthatwetakeforgrantedexceptwhenitfailsus.

2.In1998,Francewasthetoptouristdestinationwithabout70millionvisitors.Spainwasinsecondplace,with48milliontourists,a10%increasefrom1997.

3.AnIdealHusbandisafilmadaptationofOscarWilde’splaythattellsthestoryofapopularpoliticianbroughtdownbyscandal.

4.Shesatobediently,stillwrappedinherfurcoatagainstthecold.

5.Visitstothestateparksetarecordin1998,up11percentfromtheyearbefore.

6.TheideathatIQequalsintelligenceseemedobviousatthetimebuthassincecomeundermuchcriticism.

7.SnowWhitedidherchoreswithasmile,oftensingingwhilesheworked.

8.Sittinginhisapartment,drinkingacupofstrongtea,Mr.Faxonreviewedhislegalcaseagainsthisboss,ashehadeverynightforsevennights.

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